


Blockers

by BambiRex



Series: Garden Lodge Family Shenanigans [12]
Category: Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018), Queen (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Attempt at Humor, Cockblocking, Coitus Interruptus, F/F, Genderbending, Implied Sexual Content, It's pretty tame, but i rated it T just in case because of them, but really it's vaginablocking, fem!queen, garden lodge family shenanigans, king!au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-07
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-13 06:55:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,783
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29897310
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BambiRex/pseuds/BambiRex
Summary: In practice, having sex with a newborn baby sleeping in the room next to yours wasn’t such a smooth ride. Or, trying to have sex while having kids, in general.
Relationships: Jim Hutton/Freddie Mercury, Joe Fanelli/Peter "Phoebe" Freestone
Series: Garden Lodge Family Shenanigans [12]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1767487
Comments: 6
Kudos: 6





	Blockers

**Author's Note:**

> Another day, another incredibly random update. This is such an overused trope but I love it unashamedly every single time, so of ourse I had to write it!

Once Freddie got over the hang-ups concerning her post-partum body, she became just as insatiable as she used to be during the height of her pregnancy. Jane had nothing to complain about: in fact, she was simply overjoyed to know that Freddie’s self-esteem was healing, and that there wasn’t a bigger conflict lingering on the horizon. It was bit of hitch in the road, but they have moved past that, and threw themselves in between the sheets with renewed vigor.

It sounded absolutely heavenly- but in practice, having sex with a newborn baby sleeping in the room next to yours wasn’t such a smooth ride. Or, trying to have sex while having kids, in general.

Layla wasn’t an incredibly fussy baby: she had her worse days, but she usually went down pretty easily and slept through the night, mostly. Except for those nights her touch-starved mothers decided to jump each other’s bones.

It was as if she had a built-in sensor that immediately alerted her to the intimate acts going on in the bedroom, and the second they started, Layla let out the mightiest cries ever known to humankind.

‘’Oh, God, no.” Freddie whimpered, burying her face in Jane’s neck. She was feeling so good, the both of them were. They found an incredible position where they could both get each other off at the same time, and it was so amazing, so exciting, but here comes Layla, screaming her little lungs out and effectively vaginablocking them.

‘’Let’s hurry up a bit,” Jane suggested, pulling Freddie closer. She wasn’t too keen on leaving the warmth of her bed (and her wife), either. ‘’Maybe we can finish before she gets too impatient…”

They couldn’t, obviously. Layla’s screams grew deafening, muting the sounds of their moans and panting. There was no way either of them had the chance to come before all Hell would break loose in the nursery, or before Phoebe or Jenny woke up to check what was going on- either finding a distressed baby and then chewing them out for abandoning her, or simply walking in on them screwing each other’s brains out. These images combined killed their libido instantly, and they scrambled off of each other with deep sighs.

When they took Layla in their arms (after encountering a very pissed-off looking Tiffany who was guiding her crib- it appeared that the cat was judging them for leaving behind their parental responsibilities in order for some finger-based working out), she calmed down right away. She turned into a little angel, smiling up at her mothers innocently. She didn’t seem to be hungry, or in pain: she just needed to see her parents. And… yes, it was lovely, and they both adored Layla, but maybe she could have waited for a few more minutes at least…

‘’Alright, she fell back asleep.” Freddie announced in a hushed voice, lowering Layla back into her crib. The baby’s face was smooth and relaxed, and she snored away quietly. There was no sign of her waking up screaming just mere minutes later. Lulled back into a false sense of security, Freddie and Jane tiptoed back to the bedroom and eagerly continued where they left off, in the hope that they took care of the Layla-business efficiently.

Wrong. Just before the beautiful completion could come down for any of them, Layla woke again, letting out another shrill sob. Freddie sometimes wished she was a baby too, so she could scream like that without repercussions- heaven knows she really was in the mood for that right now. Jane had a very constipated look on her face as she heaved herself off the bed, pulling her pajama pants back on with an exhausted grunt. None of them were mad at Layla, of course- she was just a baby after all, and they could never get mad at their little pride and joy, but God, some interrupted action would have been really nice.

\--

This continued for long months, to the point Freddie literally broke down in tears once, when their particularly lovely experiment with light bondage got blocked by a frustrated Layla dealing with a belly ache.

‘’I just want one night, uninterrupted,” Freddie whined, tossing her head back against the headboard dramatically. She would have probably thrown her hands into the air for good measure as well, had they not been tied.

‘’I’m gonna go take a look at her,” Jane promised, trying to inject some cheer into her voice. Not an easy task, considering she was so into what was going on, and Layla put an end to it again. But hey, this was the joy of parenthood, right? Dropping everything to run and take care of your baby. Still, just one night, for God’s sake!

So, Jane trotted out to Layla’s nursery, leaving Freddie naked and with her hands tied to the bedpost. If Freddie wasn’t so frustrated, she would have started laughing at the ridiculousness of it all.  
\--

There came a point when poor Layla was dropped off to the Bulsaras like a hot potato, with the official statement being: ‘’we need very important things to do (each other), and we need you to take care of Layla for the night (so we can finally have a long-needed orgasm), we love you (for saving our sexual lives)!”

That night they literally broke the bed, but it was a small sacrifice for one really great, uninterrupted night.

\--

Gabriel was a fussier baby than Layla, but he had the decency to time his nighttime tantrums to the interval of Freddie and Jane sleeping, instead of having sex- which was still not great, but it was somehow much easier to get used to.

No, Gabriel earned his status as a pro vaginablocker around the age of four, when he would randomly burst into his parents’ bedroom in the middle of the night with incredibly random questions that could have definitely been answered in the morning, but when you are a tiny, curious kid, questions like whether there are vegetarian sharks just couldn’t wait.

That is how Gabriel walked in on his mothers well in the middle of the act- and he freaked out about it quite badly.

‘’You were hurting Mummy!” He cried, clutching his stuffed animal (a shark, obviously). He appeared to be incredibly distressed- Jane didn’t blame him. But that didn’t mean she wished the ground to swallow her whole.

‘’I wasn’t, sweetheart, it’s all okay.” Jane reassured him with a forced smile. She tried to tug on her shirt under the modesty of the blanket, to save her son from further traumatizing events. ‘’Mummy is all fine, see?”

‘’But she was yelling!” Gabriel insisted. Now he seemed angry. Jane wondered if her son was going to go berserk and just start plummeting her with the plush shark for committing the atrocity of pleasuring Freddie. Gabriel seemed seconds away from doing just that. ‘’She was in pain!”

‘’No, I wasn’t, Gabriel.” Freddie spoke up, clutching the blanket up to her chin. Her face was red as an overripe tomato. ‘’We were just playing with Mama, and I was yelling because I really enjoyed the game!”

Sure you did, Jane wanted to say, but Gabriel was within earshot.

Gabriel seemed a bit calmer, but his eyes were narrowed into suspicious little slits still. ‘’What were you playing?”

_Ahem._

‘’We…” Freddie looked at Jane for help, then she beamed, an idea springing to her brain. ‘’Mama was tickling me!”

Jane snorted, but she quickly composed herself. Gabriel gave a long-suffering sigh, and shook his head, in the way only very judgmental kids could.

‘’Play quieter. I want to sleep.”

‘’You’re right, Gabriel, we’re sorry. Oh, and I’m not sure there are vegetarian sharks, but maybe you should ask Aunt Brianna about that.” Jane told him, biting her lip to keep herself from laughing. The second Gabriel closed the door behind him, Freddie and Jane burst out laughing.  
\--

Trying to have sex in the afternoon was a risky deal, but Layla was doing her homework (and was faring really well alone), and Gabriel was playing very quietly and very focused with his building blocks, so Freddie and Jane figured they could have an afternoon snack, so to speak.

Of course, the little castle Gabriel was building in the other room collapsed- and because Layla was not to be bothered during her homework, Gabriel responsibly left his sister to her important work, and padded out to the bedroom instead.

‘’I need help with my castle, it keeps falling apart!” He announced as he burst into the room. Freddie snapped her head up from between Jane’s thighs so quickly, she got a cramp in her neck. She fell back on the couch with a pained whine, while Jane quickly covered her lap with a spare blanket.

‘’Just a second.” Jane told him, seconds away from crying in embarrassment. At least this time Gabriel didn’t ask them what kind of game they were playing. He just smiled, and bounced back to his room, blissfully unaware of what he interrupted again, as well as of the injury he caused his mother.

‘’I think I broke my neck.” Freddie announced with a dramatic sigh. Jane assured her that wasn’t likely, then she quickly pulled her wife into a position where her neck wasn’t killing her, before grabbing her pants and running off to take care of Gabriel’s castle.  
\--  
When Gabriel and Layla guiltily announced they sneaked into the kitchen when they were strictly told to keep out, and they paid for their crime by walking in on Phoebe and Jenny ‘’playing”, Freddie and Jane laughed so hard, their tears spilled out.

‘’This is not funny!” Phoebe whined, face buried in her hands. ‘’They weren’t supposed to see… that.”

‘’I’m sorry, but it was really time we weren’t the only victims. It was coming up I guess, considering your whole secret affair was discovered by Gabriel as well.” Jane cackled. ‘’Besides, the amount of times they have walked in on us… I think it doesn’t even faze them anymore.”

‘’Still,” Jenny huffed, cheeks red, ‘’This was embarrassing as Hell.”

‘’Welcome to the club,” Freddie chuckled. ‘’And seriously- I thought they were to be kept out because you were cooking with open flames or something, but really, it was because you were banging Pheebs on the counter?”

‘’Against, not on. But I get your point. We will be more careful next time.”

‘’Good luck with Layla and Gabriel around.” Jane laughed, shaking her head fondly.

They all got a good laugh out of it in the end, and eventually, as the years passed by, the kids finally kicked the habit of interrupting the adults during their ‘’playing.”

**Author's Note:**

> If you have a specific scenario that you would like me to turn into a fic for this series, you can suggest it in the comments, or on my tumblr, @bambirexwrites! :))


End file.
